Have you ever spent any time with a mime? No, I don’t mean the mime performer that creeps people out when passed on the street. I mean the person that never shows their true personality, but mimics the personality and mannerisms of the others around them. We all know that one person.
Well, for so long, I was that person. I never shared my own thoughts, I shied away from debates (even though I felt emotionally and spiritually strong about the topics), and laughed quietly at jokes when my deep, loud belly-laugh wanted to eek out. It took me a long time to understand why I never felt comfortable being myself, even around the people that loved me through and through. And, I was so good at it that most people would have never known that I was unconfident on the inside. I was a poser – for sure.
I never felt worthy of attention, love, and affection. I wasn’t confident enough to understand that my true personality would be something to love and adore, and I basically saw myself as an annoying person that someone would want to shoo away like those pesky fruit flies that are currently attacking my kitchen.
I never felt like my opinion, my jokes, and my goofy personality would attract people. I thought that my sometimes shrill voice alone would make people run for the hills and I would live my life completely alone and still completely annoying.
My husband helped me get past some of the internal battles, because he saw who I was and still wanted to marry me. And, trust me, I tried to warn him, exposing all of my deep dark secrets that would have scared away a lesser man. But, still he was waiting at the end of the aisle.
But, to truly walk and talk as Stefanie, and not as anyone else, I needed to see and REALLY UNDERSTAND my true value as God’s child. Here’s the thing: I was no mistake. He made me. For His purpose, whatever that may be. And, to be completely honest, that is both the greatest and the most humbling truth I’ve ever encountered.
If this is the only post on this blog that you ever read, the only words of truth that penetrate your own unconfident heart, the only time you hear this truth, please remember: YOU ARE GOD’S CHILD. He created you with your own specific destiny that HE created just for YOU. He loves you so deeply and it pains Him to see you shrink away from the beautiful, wonderful, lively personality that He gave to YOU.
Live it up, girl (or guy!). You are loved. You are worthy. You are HIS.
Until next time, lovelies.